Many times, when I talk about portfolios, wealth and investing, I am talking about LOVE. Money is still important, but rather than money being the end result of your investment strategy, it can also be considered to be a tool for the enhancement of your love relationships. Also, I present methods to help you keep from allowing money to destroy the love that is in your life. Love is one of the most valuable assets in our "life portfolio." Mismanaging the love side of your portfolio by allowing money to ruin it can literally destroy your life. You've heard people say things like "Love matters more than money". Well, they're right, it does.
But what they fail to mention is that if you don't manage your financial relationship with another person, it can literally ruin the love you have for one another. Millions of divorces occur because of financial problems. I have seen spouses commit suicide over the financial devastation in their marriage, fathers walk out of the home and women and men go to jail during divorce, etc. Money almost always gives you yet another reason to fight with your partner. The problems can run from the mundane to the extravagant. I have seen couples fight because one partner makes more money than the other and believes that the income disparity entitles him to more power in the relationship. I have seen families destroyed because one partner took the money out of the family bank account and lost it at the casino. Your partner's bad financial habits can ruin your life. Here is just a small list of ways that someone could ruin your life financially:
• A partner with horrible credit could keep you from ever getting a loan.
• A partner with terrible spending habits can ruin a family's financial security.
• A partner with a substance abuse or other costly addiction could deplete a family's assets.
• A partner with unhealthy connections to deadbeat relatives, who always need money, may drain your assets.
• A partner with an income that is too low due to a lack of education or poor professional choices could ruin you financially.
• A partner may steal money from you, or borrow it without your permission, and use it for something frivolous.
• A partner who makes bad financial choices may get you into trouble with the IRS.
• A partner who decides to separate from you may end up dragging you and your money through a long legal battle.
The very first thing you and your fiancé need to do is figure out how much money you will realistically have to spend on your nuptials and the celebration that follows. Keep in mind, the bride's family is no longer expected to be the primary wedding sponsor; it's common now for both families to offer assistance. But the reality is, most couples pay for their own wedding. Once you've established a dollar amount (remember a gorgeous wedding can happen at any budget), there are a number of popular websites like theknot.com and marthastewartweddings.com that you can use to complete a thorough and organized budget.
10 Questions To Ask Before Planning A Wedding
How do I set a wedding budget?
The very first thing you and your fiancé need to do is figure out how much money you will realistically have to spend on your nuptials and the celebration that follows. Keep in mind, the bride's family is no longer expected to be the primary wedding sponsor; it's common now for both families to offer assistance. But the reality is, most couples pay for their own wedding. Once you've established a dollar amount (remember a gorgeous wedding can happen at any budget), there are a number of popular websites like theknot.com and marthastewartweddings.com that you can use to complete a thorough and organized budget.
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Should you have "My Big _____ Wedding?
In our community , weddings are often huge, oversized events. But one of the biggest ways to impact your budget is by limiting the size of your guest list. There are some tough questions that have to be answered when it comes to guest list .For example, will children be allowed at the reception? Long before you decide to host a 400-person extravaganza/family reunion, you and your fiancé should each create lists of potential guests and organize them into: "People you wouldn't get married without; " "People it would be really nice to have ," and "People you can take or leave ." If or when you have to trim your list, it'll be easier to know where to start.
Large wedding party: to have or to...?"
HOLD. The days of really large bridal parties are fading. Of course, your bridal party should represent your idea of perfect, but smaller bridal parties of two to three attendants will save you a significant amount of money in transportation and flowers, and on bridal party gifts. One solution for the people that you MUST include in the wedding that aren't your BEST friends, is to consider asking them to be hostesses/ushers or to read a significant poem or scripture during your ceremony. You might be surprised how happy "the un-chosen ones" are that they can actually be a guest at the wedding without a long list of responsibilities and financial obligations.
What is my wedding style, and do I need a theme?
Your wedding style sets the tone for your entire event , and your theme is the way you'll showcase it throughout. To figure out your wedding style, ask yourself if you are traditional, unconventional or somewhere in between. If you're traditional, you may want a church wedding with a formal dinner reception. Your theme might be a "Winter Wonderland" in a gorgeous hall draped with crystals and viburnum. It's up to you! If you do opt for a wedding theme (they aren't mandatory), this is where you and your fiancé can really express yourselves as a couple by transforming your shared experiences into one theme.
When and where?
Once you have your wedding style and theme in place , you have to find a complimentary venue. If you're opting for a church wedding and you have a specific church in mind, their availability will determine your wedding date. Flexibility is key if you would like a wide range of venue choices. Some sites will give you a reduced rate for booking your event on a Friday evening, Saturday morning (or early afternoon) or Sunday. You can also save 20 to 30 percent by booking your reception during the off-peak months of January-April. Look for venues that include parking, vendor discounts and other perks.
Which decor elements really make a difference?
Expensive and plentiful floral arrangements may be synonymous with beautiful weddings , but if you have a limited décor budget you have to decide where your priorities lie. Lighting can make a huge difference and doesn't have to cost a lot. Check with your DJ or venue about inexpensive lighting packages. Candle light counts! You can find candle wholesalers all over the web. Also, explore your theme -- maybe you can use a minimal amount of flowers and display some beautiful items found at thrift stores as your centerpiece. Be sure to display your wedding cake as a piece of décor.
What should we serve?
Your food and beverage costs can account for 60 or more of your total budget. This is one area where research and negotiation is extremely important. Selecting menu items that are in season will have a favorable impact on the final cost of your meal-and the taste. Although it's commonly believed that buffet meals are less expensive, that's not always the case. A plated meal with a duet of entrees may end up being more economical and pleasing. Stations are fun and can provide a welcomed variety for your guests. However, the costs can add up once you factor in the quantity of food you'll need to satisfy guests and the cost of chefs and service staff.
What to wear?
Have you already found the dress of your dreams? Many brides begin tearing out pictures of dresses they love the day after their engagement (or secretly sooner). That's not a bad idea, as time is of the essence. Regardless of where you end up buying your gown, if it's new, you should allow at least 12 weeks delivery time to be safe. If you plan accordingly, you can snag a great deal by finding your designer dream dress at local bridal sample sales, trunk shows or events like Filene's infamous Running of the Brides. Another option is a shop like RK Bridal, a New York-based store that ships around the world and guarantees a low price.
What is the top wedding trend right now?
Going Green is one of the biggest wedding trends right now! Weddings of any budget can go entirely green or have environmentally sound ideas incorporated into any facet of the planning. There are green venues that serve only local, organic or sustainable food, invitations printed on recycled paper with natural inks, organic gowns and suits, locally grown flowers, soy candles, etc. There's really no reason why you can't share some love with planet!
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We're spending a lot of money. How do we insure that everything goes as planned?
Hire a wedding consultant to execute your wedding day plans. Can you and your cousin do it? Maybe, but do you really want to? You, your family and close friends should all be able to cherish the moment, relax, eat drink and be merry. Most "day of" wedding consultant/planners will confirm and manage vendors, create schedules, run your rehearsal and your wedding day. You'll convey all the details to them and they'll make sure everything is done to your specifications. When looking for a consultant, start with referrals from friends and family. Next, organizations like the International Special Event Society are a great resource.
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So, the bottom line is this: There is not a more important decision you will ever make in your life than the one regarding who you choose to spend your life with. Loving together means living together and having together means giving together. So, if you're not loving, living, having and giving, then you're not in love at all.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of 'Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.' To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered directly to your email, please click here.


Comments: (5)
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By: tiffany on 8/16/2009 11:08PM
sef drges
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By: Lisa on 8/17/2009 10:07AM
• A partner with horrible credit could keep you from ever getting a loan.
• A partner with terrible spending habits can ruin a family's financial security.
Honesty is the best policy.
If a man loves you he will help you get straight. Every man I have dated and was almost ready to marry knew that i love money and love to shop. They still wanted to marry and pay off all my debt.
Now, I am involved with a man whop I informed him I am in debt from paying for my doctorate and other miscellaneous bills. He manages his money like a certified accountant and said I got this. I said good.
if a man loves you he will handle your weaknesses, you handle his.
Just be honest with your issues and give him the right to choose. When you are honest you give the person options?
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By: Jean Johine on 8/20/2009 2:12PM
It's great to see you warning people about their partner's credit and financial choices. Many people are not worried about their credit until it comes time to shop for mortgage leads and they suddenly find they cannot get that loan they were hoping for. Discussing this early on with your partner is the best way to do things. No marriage should be rushed and you should have ample time to get to know and assess their financial feelings.
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By: AC on 8/19/2009 1:21AM
Lisa you are looking for a Sugar Daddy not a soul mate.
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By: roy on 8/20/2009 1:35PM
LISA!WHAT GOOD IS A DOCTORATE DEGREE, AND YOU ARE IN DEBT, AND HAVE TO DEPEND ON SOME MAN, SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER FORM OF TRICKING TO ME?
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