Financial Lovemaking: 2 More Links Between Sex and Money

As part of my series on comparisons between sex and money, we will continue with parts 3 and 4 below.

Sex and Money Comparison Number 3: You should only share yourself with someone you can trust.

Making financial or physical love with someone who does not have your best interest at heart can lead to a horrible experience. The same way you wouldn't want to sleep with someone who has a sexually transmitted disease, you wouldn't want to merge assets with someone who has bad financial health. If your partner has bad credit, wastes money, or engages in practices that lead to a deterioration of his finances, then his bad financial health will inevitably destroy yours.

Many of us know what it's like to be rejected by someone we care about. Perhaps you have felt the effects of other people's selfishness in your own life. Good sex doesn't occur if one participant only thinks about satisfying his own needs. The same is true when it comes to financial lovemaking.

http://xml.channel.aol.com/xmlpublisher/fetch.v2.xml?option=expand_relative_urls&dataUrlNodes=uiConfig,feedConfig,localizationConfig,entry&id=696607&pid=696606&uts=1250709884

http://www.aolcdn.com/ke/media_gallery/v1/ke_media_gallery_wrapper.swf

Black Love Power Couples

Malcolm X and Betty Shabazz were icons for the more radical side of black politics, an equally important facet in the advancement of the black community. While controversial, Malcolm inspired millions. Shabazz continued to advocate for African American self-determination as a professor until her untimely death in 1997.

Getty Images

FilmMagic.com

Black Love Power Couples

Coretta Scott King and Dr. Martin Luther King were a powerful force in the fight for equal opportunity in America. As Dr. King's silent source of support during his life, Coretta was the queen of the movement. From the moment of Dr. King's tragic death until the end of her own life she continued to fight for civil rights, including supporting equal rights for gays.

AFP / Getty Images

AP / GettyImages

Legendary actors Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee had been happily married for 56 years at the time of Davis' death in 2005 at 87. Successful screen and stage actors for decades, this beautiful duo also served on the front lines of '60s civil rights battles. Ossie is survived by Ruby and their three children.

Getty Images

Medgar Evers (right) is a civil rights hero who was assassinated because of his work with the NAACP to eradicate Jim Crow segregation. His widow, Myrlie Evers-Williams (left) fought for many decades to eventually bring Medgar's killer to justice more than thirty years later. She also became the first woman to chair the NAACP in 1995.

Former president Nelson Mandela, left, and his ex-wife Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, while now divorced, are still friends. How could they not be? Winnie acted as Nelson's eyes, ears, strategist and voice in the outer world as Nelson sat imprisoned for 26 years for fighting apartheid. If Nelson was the icon of freedom, Winnie was the activist. While no longer married, their special bond has endured. Because of their union, South Africa is free.

Schalk van Zuydam, AP

Dr. Camille Cosby and Bill Cosby continually work to improve the intelligence and understanding of all communities. As of 1994, the couple's donations to historically black colleges total a whopping $70 million. Their union has also spawned numerous positive productions for stage and screen, such as the documentary 'No Dreams Deferred' (1994), which focuses on the theme of service.

Jesse Grant, wireImage

This fab Hollywood couple is more than just powerful and stylish. Will and Jada Smith also have their own charity: The Will and Jada Smith Family Foundation. Founded in Baltimore, the organization is dedicated to helping young people and families in urban centers. The organization made $1.3 million in grants in 2008.

Frank Micelotta, Getty Images

Together since their mid-twenties, First Lady Michelle Obama and President Barack Obama took their sweet, honest commitment all the way to the White House. Through their romantic partnership, all Americans have been inspired to believe in the power of supportive relationships to create miracles. Along with their beautiful daughters, the Obamas represent beauty, poise, grace, social service and most of all -- Love! Black love!

AFP / Getty Images

A person who has his own interests at heart is not concerned with the idea of co-building assets. Such a person is usually only interested in building his/her own financial success, while using your wealth as a stepping stone. He spends your money freely, while hoarding his own. She is quick to drain your resources, while expecting you to keep her full. You can see very clearly how this is not as much a financial phenomenon as an emotional one. Bad outcomes sometimes involve one partner using the other, rather than sharing with the other. While one person is getting ahead, the other is being abused. Even without money in this equation, someone is being treated poorly. Those who are sexually selfish often leave their partners physically and often emotionally unfulfilled. The same can be said of the financially selfish. A partner who hoards all his wealth while depleting yours doesn't see the value of financially contributing to the whole. This can leave you with a financial and emotional deficit.

Sex and Money Comparison Number 4: You Must Be Able to Trust Your Partner.

If you don't trust your partner, the process of making love can have devastating consequences. In a sexual relationship, a partner who is not worthy of trust may betray us, or hurt us both physically and emotionally. This is the reason that an emotionally intelligent person spends time thinking carefully about the person with whom he will share his financial and physical assets. I have regularly interacted with individuals who have fallen victim to trusting the wrong person. They find themselves in divorce court, losing half their wealth, after wasting half their lives. Individuals may also find themselves the victims of an IRS audit because their now ex-spouses left a pile of tax bills that he or she knew nothing about. Trust is as critical in the financial lovemaking process as it is in the physical lovemaking process, and if you don't feel that you can trust your partner completely, you are probably better off without him/her.

Gaining trust takes time, and lots of communication. You should analyze not just what a person says, but what he does. This might mean observing a person's spending and saving habits, or taking notice of how much extra money he seems to have at any given point in time. You may also have to do an independent background check of some sort. Of course, the need for an independent background check implies a couple of negative things about your relationship: first, it implies that there is not enough trust in your relationship for you to ask your partner for the information directly. Second, it implies that you are contributing to the distrust by doing something without partner's knowledge. So, there is a continuous analogy between the physical and the financial. The same emotions on display when there is physical or emotional betrayal are in effect when there is financial betrayal. There really is not much difference.

Follow BV on Money on Twitter!

This was an excerpt from the book, 'Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.' Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered directly to your email, please click here.