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He told me that he was married young, to a beautiful woman. The driver then began a very open description of why he left the marriage. "She was throwing so much sex at me that I didn't know what to do with it," the driver said. "Then, after we got married, I had to beg for it and she wasn't budging, so I told her I needed to get a divorce."
"A divorce?" I asked.
"Yes, there was no point in pretending," the man responded.
While it may seem extreme for the man to get a divorce because he wasn't getting enough sex, it wasn't as if he was simply jumping from one wife to the next. A few months later, he met and fell in love with another woman, to whom he has been married for the last 35 years. They've produced 5 children and 9 grand children, and according to the driver, they still "get busy" every chance they get.
Alrighty then.
The cab driver's story, as odd as it may seem, brings up an interesting question: Is a lack of sex grounds for divorce? Some say that it should be, since they argue that there is an implicit agreement from both parties to fulfill the needs of the other person. Some say that it is immature to leave your mate due to a lack of sex. At the same time, couples regularly cite infidelity as their grounds for splitting up. Does it make sense to agree to only have your needs met by someone who refuses to meet your needs in a satisfactory manner? Probably not.
Legally, is a lack of sex good cause for divorce? I asked an attorney about that.
Christopher Chestnut, a prominent attorney out of Gainesville, Florida, argues that it, "depends upon the state. For instance, Florida is a No Fault state, thus, justifiable reasoning for a divorce is not dispositive to a case. Notwithstanding, lack of sex in marriage may be a grounds for divorce in some states."
S. Tia Brown and I discuss sexless marriages and whether or not this gives you just cause to roll out or sneak out of your marriage. Listen up and enjoy!
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of "Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with your Partner in Ways that Feel Good." To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.
Comments: (16)
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By: TiaVawn on 10/05/2009 10:07PM
Chances are you only heard half of the story, his side of course. Not saying women don't behave in this manner. Yet you ALWAYS need to consider there is usually more to stories such as this...it's human nature for people to tell "their" side of the story!
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By: sdw on 10/05/2009 11:42PM
Sex is the next best thing to eating; and are necessities of life (in the same order in my opinion). So if our mate is not doing it for you and you have made continuous efforts to resolve the issue, then yes you should end the marriage.
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By: monique on 10/06/2009 12:08AM
If someone marries you and says that they are going to fulfill all your sexual needs, then they need to be doing their job. If you don't do your job, then don't get mad when someone steps up and does your job for you!
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By: Jerome on 10/06/2009 3:45AM
Yes, I think the lack of sex should be grounds for divorce. I`ve been married going on 3 years and my wife give me sex maybe 4x a month and I`m sick of it. I`m truly on the verge of leaving my wife, but truth og the matter is I still love her. We talked about this several times but nothing has changed........
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By: nabs on 10/06/2009 10:37AM
No I don't think you should divorce over something as trivial as a lack of sex. Nowadays too many minds are mixed up in this "pleasure trip" rather than focusing on what's real. If you so-called "love" someone as you proclaim, then you stay home and try to work the problem out together. As for those who stay home and cheat, well there's a thing called eternal damnation.
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By: dounotme82 on 10/06/2009 8:17PM
I agree,
When I was single I was wild and reckless with my sexual partners. My husband and I don't cheat on one another. I always tell him he can go and I will leave before I cheat. I haven't always been a goody goody and I am not that religious. I believe though you will burn in hell for cheating while married. If this is the only thing I ever do right in my life it will be I wont cheat on my husband. I know him but I can't predict his future. Its just what I won't do.
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By: sheila smith on 10/06/2009 5:47PM
Sure you should be able to divorce for lack of sex and you should be able to divorce for bad sex as well. Sometimes sex is the only relief we get in this world and not only should it be often, it should also be good sex. I seperated from my husband because of his bad sex. Sure I knew it was bad before we got married and told myself that it would get better but of course it didn't. I love sex and got to have it but I sure don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone that bores me to death in bed. Life is too short so get all the sex that you can.
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By: James on 10/06/2009 6:16PM
There are many things that can lead to a lack of sex in a relationship(kids,career,illness).Couples know when things are not right and should be willing to work on a solution, if it can not be worked out,I see nothing wrong with seeking pleasure outside of the relationship.
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By: dounotme82 on 10/06/2009 8:12PM
WOW,
As a person who was more wild before getting married. Also we had more sex dating than married. What attracted me to him was that he was not just with me because I was good in bed.
I don't think sex should be a reason for divorce. Nor should that be a reason to go outside of the marriage. I would rather have ME time than to go outside of my marriage. Which I do! Even married. When I was single, I liked variety and sex was what I thought was necessary to have and keep a man. I love my husband. If our marriage ended it would not be because of me seeking a relationship outside of the marriage. Its half of what we use to have. When we were stationed in different states we were lucky to see each other once a month while dating.
We have so much more than that going for us. I love him and he loves me unconditionally. If his penis got cut off tomorrow I would still be by his side. He sexs my brain, heart and my spirt moreso than my body.
You people are really disgusting. And very sad. That's sorry as hell and this is exactly what has happen to our country. Sex, sex, sex, sex.
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By: Are You Kidding on 12/28/2009 12:35PM
I have been married for seven years and the last time we had sex was four years ago. And it can make you feel desperate. I have never cheated and I wouldn't but I am considering a divorce. What's the problem: my husband is about 100 pounds overweight and now has diabetes and other conditions. Sure he was alittle overweight when we met, but he totally became a couch potato after we married and now refuses to even discuss our intimacy problem. I keep myself in shape, go the gym and would say I have above average looks. He refuses to eat good or exercise. I have tried all the healthy ways to encourage and nothing is working. I have even threatened having affairs and nothing seems to make him respond. (He will claim its his diabetes-well then for your sake and our sakes-you would think he would do something about it) We have even consulted with the doctors about gastric bypass - but he is dragging his feet on that one. And to make it successful (the surgery) they have got to want it bad. I cannot and refuse to live my live sexless and then ultimately become his caretaker when I will still be in my late fifties. So don't be judging us until you have walked in our shoes. You try going without sex for years. It does a number on you emotionally, physically and mentally. And when your days become more saddened you know it's time for a change. I used to be so in love with him, but resentment grows,then disgust, then weariness turns into depression. Life is too short.
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