There is a long debate regarding why black families are not staying together. Some blame black men, stating that they are neglecting their responsibilities and refusing to do the right thing. Some are claiming that black women are difficult to get along with and also playing an equally problematic role in the breakdown of relationships by making it difficult for men to stay in the lives of their children. I am not sure what the answer is, but I do know that my Financial Lovemaking co-host, S. Tia Brown, usually disagrees with me on everything.
But the most piercing question about the alleged breakdown of the African American family is "how do we solve this problem?" I would argue that there are millions of black men in America who would choose marriage and family, but have been made ineligible for family due to a host of socioeconomic variables, such as mass incarceration, a terrible educational system, and dramatically high unemployment. In some major cities, such as New York, black male unemployment is as high as 50 percent. If white unemployment were that high, Americans would march in the millions and demand government accountability. Personally, I think that African Americans should consider a march on Washington to fight the issues that deny us the ability to preserve the black family.
A man who is uneducated, unemployed and/or incarcerated is not always going to make a very good husband or father. So, if we fight against the issues that cripple the black male, we are fighting against the issues that cripple the black family. We are all in this boat together, so I hope that everyone grabs an oar.
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Celeb Dads and Their Kids
Kobe Bryant, #24 of the Los Angeles Lakers, snaps a pic with his daughters Natalia and Gianna.
Andrew D. Bernstein, Getty Images
HAMILTON COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPT.
BlackVoices.com
Kobe Bryant, #24 of the Los Angeles Lakers, snaps a pic with his daughters Natalia and Gianna.
Andrew D. Bernstein, Getty Images
President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama get their daughters Sasha and Malia ready for their first day of school in their new city -- Washington, DC.
Callie Shell, Change.gov
Happy dad Usher at the park in Beverly Hills with his oldest son, Usher Raymond V in September of 2008. Usher also has a younger son, Nayvid, with Tameka Foster. The two just announced they were getting a divorce.
X-17
Lil Wayne cuddles up to his daughter, Reginae, on the red carpet at the BET Awards. The rapper recently became a daddy to a little boy and is rumored to have more on the way.
Arnold Turner, WireImage
Bobby Brown poses with his daughter with Whitney Houston, Bobbi Kristina. Brown is also dad to three older children from a previous relationship and a brand new baby boy with girlfriend Alicia Etheridge.
Sandra Rose/Getty Images
LL Cool J and his daughters attend UniverSoul on April 19, 2008 in New York. UniverSoul Circus saluted LL Cool J and Senator Malcolm Smith.
Johnny Nunez, WireImage
Rapper Jermaine Dupri and his daughter Shaniah arrive to the BET Hip Hop Awards 2007 at the Atlanta Civic Center.
Getty Images
Sean Combs with his twins D'Lila Star and Jessie James. In addition to the twins, the busy dad has two sons and a daughter.
Soul Brother, FilmMagic
Blair Underwood and family at EA's 'Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix' video game launch in LA.
Rebecca Sapp, WireImage
Singer Cuba Gooding, with his sons Cube Gooding, Jr. and Omar Gooding, poses at the premiere screenings of Showtime's 'Weeds' and 'Barbershop.'
Kevin Winter, Getty Images
At any rate, this episode is a good one, and I think that Tia and I are in agreement on quite a few issues. The episode is below, enjoy!
Dr.
Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of the book, "
Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good."
S. Tia Brown is a Lifestyle expert and contributor to Essence Magazine. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email,
please click here. 
Comments: (17)
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By: worby23 on 1/11/2010 1:44PM
Good Topic. And my two cents worth is this. I hate to say it but sometimes I think we were most happier when we did,nt have anything and we were fighting to get something. There was a time when all we blacks had was love. We fought scratched and spitted for everything we got. Now its no romance no finance. Its all about money. How about if I can't take care of myself, how in the hell can I take care of sombody else. now we making 40 50 60 100 thousand dollars a year and we have forgotten ourselves and who we are. We 've sold ourselves out for a grillcheese sandwich and a bowl of tomato soup. Look I know that the bills have to get paid but there is nothing better then being with that one special person and you both are excepting who other really is regardless of money or looks. I GUESS MASTER'S GREATEST TRICK OF THEM ALL WORKED, BREAKING UP THE BLACK FAMILY. MASTER STARTED IT AND WE ARE HELPING TO GET THAT TRADITION ALIVE.
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By: worby23 on 1/11/2010 2:20PM
MASTERS GREATEST TRICK OF ALL TIME WORKED. BREAKING UP THE BLACK FAMILY. MASTER STARTED IT AND WE ARE KEEPING IT ALIVE. BLACK FAMILY LETS PUT DONE THE GUNS AND DRUGS AND FINNALY TAKE OUR PLACE IN THIS WORLD AS PEOPLE OF RESPECT. BLACK MEN RESPECT OUR WOMEN AND BLACK WOMEN RESPECT OUR BLACK MEN BECAUSE IF WE DON'T RESPECT EACH OTHER NO ONE ELSE WILL EITHER. LETS GET BACK TO KEEP ON KEEPING ON TOGETHER. WE ARE NOT GETTING AHEAD BY LEAVING OTHERS BEHIND. WE CAME OVER HERE TOGETHER AND IT WAS ABOUT WHAT LANGUGE DO YOU SPEAK NOT HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU MAKE. SO BLACK AIN'NT BEAUTIFUL NO MORE? YOU DARN SKIPPY IT IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE. BUT IF WE STOP GETTING MARRIED AND RAISING THE BLACK FAMILY RIGHT BLACK WILL BE GONE.
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By: Webbgurl on 1/11/2010 3:37PM
I agree. Black is still beautiful! The younger African Americans tend to view racial pride different. They feel 'it doesn't matter" anymore, and I totally disagree. You see, in order to forget who you are you have to KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And many who have not lived the struggle of the former years take it for granted. Looks like they need the "Tiger-OJ-Kobe" experience to wake up and taste the cocoa.
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By: kingdavidlives on 1/11/2010 5:13PM
We are in a world today where people do not want to do the right thing. Bad is good, and good is bad. The Holy Bible prophecied that this would be the case.
Note: It will continue to get worse.
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By: Fllady on 1/11/2010 6:29PM
There is no respect for the Black woman period. What is wrong with our culture and society when a Black man sees commitment as asking a woman to have a child for him instead of asking for her hand in marriage? Furthermore, what's wrong with females who comply with the request?
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By: sassyone2 on 1/13/2010 1:42PM
you are correct! there is no respect for black women today,even when the black woman is respectable,and we deserve to be respected ,especially from our own men.We have contributed much love to our brothers,we want to be wive's ,and mother's,and we still desire love and honesty from them.
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By: rudy on 1/11/2010 5:59PM
People are not getting married because there is no benefit in the long term to do so. We all know that lawyers have turned divorce into a sport, creating a offence and a defence team between both spouces knowing it will be they(the lawyers)who will be the only victors in the fight. A spouse can work hard their entire life to build his or her wealth, family, or stability, and with the slam of a judge's gavel, it's all gone in seconds. When the legal system stops rewarding a spouse who contributes nothing, earns nothing, and creates nothing in the marriage with exorbitant settlements that basically steals from the other spouse, and victomizes the children in the process, only then will people feel that marriage has real meaning; not just "what" and "how much" can I get out of it!!
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By: browneyes51 on 1/11/2010 6:37PM
Thanks for bring up such a good subject. I have been married for 28 years and my husband and I just got a divorce this year in 09. We didnt make it because, he didnt want to put anything into the marriage anymore. Our children were grown and I feel like it was our time to celebrate and enjoy each other. he because very angry black man and stubborn. He just wanted to sit in the rocking chair and rock in our 50th and I wasnt ready to rock. you have to be on the same page when you are marriage and a lot of compromising is very essential to a marriage. like the old wise women use to tell us women when we were young. what you do to get the man, you have to continue to do it, but the black men feel once you caught the women, you dont have to do the same thing to keep her, once she is caught. it should go both way, once the black men or women learn each other love language, we will stand again as a stong black family.
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By: Renee on 1/12/2010 5:48PM
Many issues affect the formation of black
families. Society itself has "devalued the family." Co-habitation is an issue, compability, finance, family values, society values often do not promote good family values, Hollywood does not. geographical mobility is an issue. Due to economics families are scattered across the country and globe. Lack of marriage & family priorites. The increase in financial successful singles, causes many to delay marriage. Many other reasons. In previous generations, when
families had less economics, many people married
due to tradition and finance. Now that more people are successful lawyers, doctors, accountants, etc., some tend to delay commitment. In some cases, women mature faster than men , and some men are not ready for marriage at the same time. Some men are not
financially prepared to take on a wife and family
and some just want to have fun and live together without a commitment. TV promotes sex over marriage. Many of todays young stars do not help the situation, with their female sexy bodies.
Previous generations had more respect for themselves and their bodies.
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By: Pamela on 1/12/2010 7:01PM
I just don't know what to say, "sigh." I'm getting older and I guess I am totally old schooled, but I look at our generation today and I say OMG!!!!!!!! This can't be happening. I see our your black females just have child after child by different men, don't think about getting married or even just being with someone to help raise the kids. I come from an era where every adult around me was married. It was always a wife and a husband when there where kids involved. And I totally have to agree with Renee previous generations did have more respect for themselves and their bodies. We as african americans have to do something and we have to do it NOW!!!!! I have been over here where I live trying to come up with something to help my african american familes however I can. Something has to be done.
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