There is a long debate regarding why black families are not staying together. Some blame black men, stating that they are neglecting their responsibilities and refusing to do the right thing. Some are claiming that black women are difficult to get along with and also playing an equally problematic role in the breakdown of relationships by making it difficult for men to stay in the lives of their children. I am not sure what the answer is, but I do know that my Financial Lovemaking co-host, S. Tia Brown, usually disagrees with me on everything.
But the most piercing question about the alleged breakdown of the African American family is "how do we solve this problem?" I would argue that there are millions of black men in America who would choose marriage and family, but have been made ineligible for family due to a host of socioeconomic variables, such as mass incarceration, a terrible educational system, and dramatically high unemployment. In some major cities, such as New York, black male unemployment is as high as 50 percent. If white unemployment were that high, Americans would march in the millions and demand government accountability. Personally, I think that African Americans should consider a march on Washington to fight the issues that deny us the ability to preserve the black family.
A man who is uneducated, unemployed and/or incarcerated is not always going to make a very good husband or father. So, if we fight against the issues that cripple the black male, we are fighting against the issues that cripple the black family. We are all in this boat together, so I hope that everyone grabs an oar.
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Celeb Dads and Their Kids
Kobe Bryant, #24 of the Los Angeles Lakers, snaps a pic with his daughters Natalia and Gianna.
Andrew D. Bernstein, Getty Images
HAMILTON COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPT.
BlackVoices.com
Kobe Bryant, #24 of the Los Angeles Lakers, snaps a pic with his daughters Natalia and Gianna.
Andrew D. Bernstein, Getty Images
President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama get their daughters Sasha and Malia ready for their first day of school in their new city -- Washington, DC.
Callie Shell, Change.gov
Happy dad Usher at the park in Beverly Hills with his oldest son, Usher Raymond V in September of 2008. Usher also has a younger son, Nayvid, with Tameka Foster. The two just announced they were getting a divorce.
X-17
Lil Wayne cuddles up to his daughter, Reginae, on the red carpet at the BET Awards. The rapper recently became a daddy to a little boy and is rumored to have more on the way.
Arnold Turner, WireImage
Bobby Brown poses with his daughter with Whitney Houston, Bobbi Kristina. Brown is also dad to three older children from a previous relationship and a brand new baby boy with girlfriend Alicia Etheridge.
Sandra Rose/Getty Images
LL Cool J and his daughters attend UniverSoul on April 19, 2008 in New York. UniverSoul Circus saluted LL Cool J and Senator Malcolm Smith.
Johnny Nunez, WireImage
Rapper Jermaine Dupri and his daughter Shaniah arrive to the BET Hip Hop Awards 2007 at the Atlanta Civic Center.
Getty Images
Sean Combs with his twins D'Lila Star and Jessie James. In addition to the twins, the busy dad has two sons and a daughter.
Soul Brother, FilmMagic
Blair Underwood and family at EA's 'Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix' video game launch in LA.
Rebecca Sapp, WireImage
Singer Cuba Gooding, with his sons Cube Gooding, Jr. and Omar Gooding, poses at the premiere screenings of Showtime's 'Weeds' and 'Barbershop.'
Kevin Winter, Getty Images
At any rate, this episode is a good one, and I think that Tia and I are in agreement on quite a few issues. The episode is below, enjoy!
Dr.
Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of the book, "
Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good."
S. Tia Brown is a Lifestyle expert and contributor to Essence Magazine. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email,
please click here. 
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Comments: (17)
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By: shaun on 1/15/2010 2:02PM
This is a probably that started with the last generation. The bible says train up a child in the way they should go and when they're old they wont depart. The last generation has left the younger gen. behind. They're not carrying there touch they're just talking about they problem but not helping with the solution this problem goin take the whole black community. Put you have to start with yourself, being active.I was once one of those kids im 29. See way back blacks only had GOD and their spirits were in tack. Thats were all the values came from their spirituality. When we strayed from the bible the whole culture was lost.Its a double sided coin you have to have that balance and stability and the only way is through GOD. See a lot people are looking at it from the natural perspective but its deeper than what you see. There souls are lost and the bible has the answer to all problems finances,marriage,how to live, etc. You cant leave GOD out cause that's who got Dr.King where he was he believe in GOD and discovered his purpose. He was a man of GOD!
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By: Silver on 1/15/2010 5:19PM
Why are Black men guilty of the black marriage? My best friend and I have a test for marriage. The name of the test is the 3 year plan.
1.commucation, education, money, debt, how she interact with other's female's. dose she have female friends. private time, just sitting and watching a movie on TV.
2.Personally, how she handle the kids, how many baby daddy's, is she incharge of the kids or are the kids incharge of her. who is the daddy and why did he leave. how she interact with the father, dose she disrespect the father in front of the kids. has she substuite the kids for a relationship, dose she treat the kids as her friend. how she interact with her mother and father.
3. Taking responbility for her wrongs, how she deal with life problems. Dose she admits to her part of the wrongs in life.
4. how jealous is she, can we travel together?
5. dose she feels she deserved to be treated one way or another. Usuaully they asked to be treated better than they treat themseleves. And why should they be treated that way?
In the third year you should move in with the women but the test isnt over after the third year and if she passes the test to your satisfation you should marry, but if she dose not leave the relationship and do not, do not, go back. But explain to her why your leaving so that she hopefully learn for the next man.
Some people my think this is crazy, but those are the ones you do not want to marry anyways.
One example of the test: I borrowed $1000.00 from my girlfriend, I did not need the money but I want to see how she would respond to me not giving it back to her when I said I would. What choice would she use to communicate to me for the money.
second example: I open doors and hold her hand everywhere we go, I wakeup in the middle of the night just to give her a kiss. Dose she looks at me as just loving her, or dose she feels she deserved to treated that way or that is what a man should be doing?
I am tried of hearing that women knows what a man should be or how a man should treat them and what makes a man a man. A man knows how to be a man, just because you do not agree with him that dose not make him less than a man or a sorry SOB therefore he is the man he wants to be, that is why you as the blackwomen has a choice to not be with him.
Just like I do not know what makes a women a women.
I can be alone and have just as much fun as if I was with a women. Something a black women should ask themseleves?
We must look at who is rasing these black men.
The black WOMEN, angry, alone, and with no mirror's in the house.
Why are black men being rasied by so many blackwomen, because the blackwomen has ran the black male off.
Example: if a man says that his son should work for what he wants, the women reply is your being too hard on him. If the man is punishing his son, the women reply is you do not have to list to him. If the father says he should eat more fruits she undermind the father decision by giving him candy.
Why do blackwomen try to compete with black men in the relationship?
example: If the male makes a decision in the relationship she has a better ideal or he should do it this way, and her reply is if he dosn't then he never listens to her.
The blackwomen needs to look in the mirror and ask themselve's, If I can not live with my self, by my self then how can someone else live with me.
Education is important but not the reason for the problems for the blackmale. It dose not take an education to know right from wrong.
example: Blackmales are unemployed because they do not have a plan.
Blackmales are incarated higher than other's because they live life as a game or by some TV show or music video. They think being a ganster's is fun.
Killing other blackmales are funny.
And the most important reason is the criminal system is rasist. While the black male run around in the streets playing cops and robbers, bangers, ganster's and pimps, the courts systems gives them the real life ending to the games they play.
The black males will learn, it will take a long time but they will learn. That much I am sure of.
Black women look in the mirror there lies your answer to the question why can't have or find a good man.
Black men continue on your path to destruction and real life will give you what you deserved.
We as black people pray too much, I believe in god and that is it, I believe.
I know right from wrong, I know what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I know what i want and how to get it well sometimes, lol.
I think if we as black people start with a plan I I believe things will get better for us, but we as a people must begin to learn from our mistakes.
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By: Mike on 1/16/2010 10:59PM
You sound like some illegal alien speaking about black people. You're hispanic, aren't you? See, the thing about you hispanics is you come from dictatorships and socialist nations and communist nations. The USA has always been a capitalist nation. You hispanics also have a hate for black people cause your catholics and have always been taught the Hamitic Myth, which is a LIE in the bible. You made some points, but there was alot of bs in your comments about black men. I'm a black man and I take offense. You were describing black males as if they're idiots. You say 'It's funny to kill black males; you say bm think life is a game; etc. Black males are no different than any other male but black males in the USA deal with a system that has targetted them and their families for 400 yrs for discriminatory treatment. The system uses the tactic of sowing discord between the black woman and the black man to destroy family-cohension. Unfortunately, black women are just suckas for the tactic. When a black man tries to explain to her and she won't listen and he puts his foot down, 9 times out of 10, she'll call the autorities and have him arrested. It's estrogen vs testosterone. No way estrogen can lead testosterone. Prison incarceration rates of black males are telling because 85% of those black male inmates report never having a relationship with their fathers. These black women can ONLY raise black male inmates and they just don't get it. It's sad as hell. These women are failing these black males too many times by not connecting these males with their bio fathers. These women haven't a clue what or how to teach a boy so that he becomes a healthy successful man and it's telling that these black women STILL don't get it. It's pure conceit, selfishness and insanity, which is the hormone estrogen. There were laws on the books for 350 of our 400 yr existence that denied blacks capital in a capitalist system. Your statements were too erroneous to be those of a native born black man. You say 'you don't need and education' to know right from wrong? - wrong. Everybody needs good guidance and boys need a knowledgeable father. More so for black boys because of our system and the way it targets them for prison; hell, alot of black women don't even see THAT. You ended by doing something I see alot of hispanic posters do: you ended by saying the prison system would take teach them a lesson. Your points about being comfortable alone first, and then being able to live with another in harmony - I agree with. Your comments reaked of 'not really caring' about black males situation and that's common among hispanic males. All I can say, is black males built the USA which provided a place for hispanics (all 30+ million of them) to flee to cause their home nations were sodomizing them (dictatorships and communism). These hispanics, with all their mouth, sure couldn't achieve any justice for themselves in their home nations. They come over hear to the USA, my nation, and have something to say. Your comment annoyed me. If you're black, I wish you nothing but the best but you're missing some critical points in understanding the black crisis in the USA (& the world). God Help Us.
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By: sherridina on 1/16/2010 2:02PM
Silver, I agreed with alot of your responses until you started talking about tests. Black women have their tests too. You would fail some of them. Do what you say you are going to do. If you say you're going to pay me back on Thursday, pay me back or let me know that you can't. Eventually, pay me back. What you are talking about is game planning. Maybe the women you are with don't have time for the b.s. It is wrong to borrow money you don't need and paying it late just to prove a point. Your girl, probably, loaned you money that she needed, because you are her man. A man keeps them word and doesn't play headgames. Also, talking about angry, black women and that we need to look in the mirror. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black. You seem very judgmental and high-maintenance.
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By: sschatz on 1/16/2010 2:39PM
I would like to hear more about homosexual families and issues in black America. Your heteronormative assumption that black families are always heterosexual is absurd and marginalizes the gay community.
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By: Anita Campbell on 2/11/2010 7:29AM
No, it's good to have and be able to be productive members of society. The problems facing our culture starts from childhood and family life. We can blame any and everyone but what good does it do. No, we as african americans need to wake from the deep sleep of I'm owed something and embrace the briliant and unique poeple that God made us to be. I love my roots, i love the black man, I love black children (some of the most beautiful creatures on this earth), I love being a black woman.
What i hate though is the way we view ourselves negatively and how we hate one another. Still believing lies that are hundreds of years old by a people who were only used by satan (we do not wrestle against flesh and blood). Still waiting to be reperated (is that a word?). Still looking around for freedom we already possess instead of looking up.
1st The Older Generation
stop using the excuse that we won't listen and etc. Generation X need agape love and instructions (it may have to be forced). Older wise women grab old of the young woman to teach her as well as accept her for who she is. Older wiser guys do the same ( massive visits to jails sound like a great idea). Get out of the clouds and show generation X you care. When MLK jr did what he did for blacks to get ahead; I don't think he meant for the ones who made it to leave the village behind. Which is what I see everyday.
Business professionals - Do you have business that you could really use some help and creativity... Go visit the jail as well and invest. Some of the best entreprenurial minds are waiting on you. They just need a new point of view that is different from the one they recieved from there pre incarcerate environment. Don't look down on them.
The black man - there is no one earth like the black man; it's something about the look, their walk, their confidence, their God given power, talents, and abilities. Their beauty is unmatched and there strength undescribable. When I tell some of my black male students this, it's like I'm speaking chinese ebonics ;0). The black man has it rough but thats no excuse for their behavior when it comes to taking responsibilty for the lives they bring into this cruel world.
Black Women - Man oh man I love being a black woman. I like to tell men all the time that women were not given for them misuse and be servents. We are the most sophisticated form of technology given to the man as a gift for his survival. i say technology because God had to put man to sleep and take his time creating us in a special way defferent from the man. Only God has the mold.
The black woman is upset because we have to carry the load all by ourselves. You see when a crisis comes we don't have time for a meltdown, hide, or go off the deep end. We can't afford to. We'll go and cook, sew, sell, trade, help, support, build, comfort, persevere for the sake of keeping the family together. (I do need to add that the older wiser women are needed to help the younger gens to love and admonish their husbands and children and build a strong families).
On the other hand that's not so for the black man. To me it seems as though their manhood is threatened when they can't provide and so they think it's better to go and drop responsibilities. That mentality is bad. The EGO needs to go.
Black Man it's better for you to reposition your role as head of the house to benefit the family (older wiser guys you need to step up and teach these to be good husbands and fathers).
Whether you have a job or not - your babies would rather have you... your woman would rather have you. So you don't have a job ... create one. if your woman is the one working be a real man and support her. There are plenty of ways a working woman "needs" her man. The house, car needs fixing, grow fruits and veggies to cut grocery bill, stay constantly in your sons faces and business. Be around when your little girls need help with their tricycles and boys. Show her how to be treated so she will not hook up with a goone;0). Cook, fix up the house and make it more beautiful and functional for YOUR FAMILY. Your wife need to be in the safety of your arms. We need your love your strength and all the simple things that we crave from you.
I challenge all african americans to tear down old ways of thinking, inquire of the Lord, rebuild on HIS solid foundation, unite, love and have compassion and determination to bring the healthy black family back. We MUST do this ourselves. Stop talking and start moving.
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By: Bernard on 2/27/2010 10:29PM
I believe that everyone has experiences that should be respected. The problems of Black America are extremely complicated because we address symptoms and not the actual illness. Society is well aware of these attacks on the black family and finds joy in its distruction. Black Men are not ignorant but our actions are.We should have known that incarceration would destroy our family. We should have known that our sons would suffer because of our absence and the Black Woman would grow to resent us. Example: Before a fight between dogs the sponcers would iritae the fighters by plucking there heads or any abusive acts. This is to have the animal as mad as possible. When the animal is released it tries to kill. The Black Male / Women are the animals and society are our sponsers. We hear the many complants about not being around for our children. We hear the talk about black crime etc. We are mad as hell and once we are released.......
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