Financial Lovemaking: AOL BV Poll Results on Black Women, Dating

Last week, I had to step back to make sure I wasn't creating a firestorm with the article I wrote about a dating expert who claimed that black women are being kept single and lonely by the black church. In her article, Deborrah Cooper claimed that the black church has kept black women looking for love in all the wrong places, and leads them to find men who are undeserving of their affection or commitment. The article was read by thousands of black women, with contentious debate forming over whether African American women were being hoodwinked by the "lawud." As the son of a Southern Baptist minister, I have seen the good and the bad that comes from the church, so I felt that Cooper's words deserved attention without my necessarily agreeing or disagreeing with her assessments.

When discussing the economic stability of the African American family, our inability to find and maintain stable marriages significantly impacts our chances of getting ahead financially. When 70 percent of our kids grow up in homes without their fathers, some would argue that both the mother and the father play some role in creating the discord. I personally refuse to believe the myth that all black women are perfect angels for keeping the kids and that every black man who doesn't live with his children is some kind of demonic heathen. In fact, science actually shows that the production of oxytocin in women's brains creates an unbreakable bond between mother and child before the child is even born. So, rather than assuming that all mothers stay with their children because they are better at maintaining an ethical and moral obligation, the truth is that Mother Nature creates much of the psychological wiring in advance.

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Successful Spouses

Doing Their Own Thing
While gold digging hoochie mamas vying to marry rich and successful men will never get old, there is a flip side to that: women with talent and skill and a drive to stand on their own. Blackvoices.com takes a quick look at the successful spouses of famous men.

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BlackVoices.com

Successful Spouses

Tracey Edmonds
When it comes to a woman handling her business in the boardroom while maintaining flawless beauty, Tracey Edmonds definitely qualifies among the elite! The savvy 15-year entertainment mogul and award winning producer proved that she could stand on her own two feet despite parenting two sons with former husband Kenneth 'Babyface' Edmonds. Edmonds serves as the CEO of her own production company, Edmonds Entertainment and COO/President of Our Stories Films where she oversees the development and production of projects for urban audiences.

Successful Spouses

Keisha Whitaker
Before tying the knot with the 'Last King of Scottland' actor Forest Whitaker, Keisha Whitaker tied herself to a profitable career as a model with the Ford and Elite agencies where she later ventured off and founded her very own lip gloss line. Although Whitaker had a focus on keeping women's lips moist and shining, she managed to broaden her horizons by executive producing 2008 documentary 'Kassim the Dream.'

Successful Spouses

Earlitha "Cookie" Johnson
Being the wife of a famous athlete is one thing – but nothing compares to being the beloved spouse of the one and only Earvin "Magic" Johnson. Knowing him since 1977 -- they became college sweethearts -- and then enduring his very public disclosure of having the AIDS virus in 1991, Earlitha "Cookie" Johnson is a true testament of a ride or die chick (with all respect due). Nearly 20 years since the news broke, the couple have been an emblem of dexterity and sharp business acumen; while he's aligned with movie theaters, coffee shops, banks and furniture rental companies, she pens a column for Essence magazine and recently founded her own jeans line.

Successful Spouses

Kai Milla Morris
Stevie Wonder may have 25 Grammy Awards to his credit, but one of his most recent prizes is his wife Kai Mila Morris, whom he married in 2001. The Washington, D.C. are native is a former freelance art director who has turned her eye for style into a successful career as a fashion designer. First Lady Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Eva Mendes, and Salma Hayek are just a few of the boldfaced names who have worn her flowing designs, which have gotten high marks amongst the fashion media.

Successful Spouses

Donna Richardson Joyner
A Silver Spring, Maryland native, Donna Richardson-Joyner is a renowned fitness and aerobics instructor, author and sports commentator. Though she's married to influential radio personality Tom Joyner, she has her own media empire, releasing a series of fitness videos, and producing and hosting the TV shows 'Mind, Body, & Spirit' and which air and 'Sweating In The Spirit,' respectively. She has served on the Women's Sports Foundation Board of Trustees and is currently an Advisory Board Member for the Boys and Girls Clubs of America.

Successful Spouses

Kimora Lee
Baby Phat founder Kimora Lee didn't allow her humble beginnings of growing up in St. Louis deter her focus in becoming one of the most influential fashion designers in the hip hop fashion industry. In addition to befriending fellow model and media personality Tyra Banks, Lee also two children with former husband, hip hop impresario Russell Simmons and one newborn son with actor Djimon Hounsou.

Successful Spouses

Alani "LaLa" Vasquez
Making a name for herself as an Atlanta radio DJ early in her career -- alongside chart-topping rapper Ludacris -- helped bigger opportunities to open for Alani "LaLa" Vasquez. After the Brooklyn-bred beauty made her rounds through Howard University's communications program and relocated to Los Angeles to further pursue her career in radio, MTV Networks contracted the Latina to audition for a VJ spot, which she later landed. In March 2007, Vasquez gave birth to her first and only child, Kiyan Carmelo Anthony, with NBA baller Carmelo Anthony.

Successful Spouses

Shante Broadus
Although many were concerned for Snoop Dogg's wife, Shante Broadus, following misleading reports in April 2009 speculating that she was dead in the rapper's basement, she still remains strong by his side. Despite the rapper filing for divorce in 2004, (seven years into the couple's marriage), the couple managed to rekindle their flame and reconcile their wedding vows in January 2008. Today, the pair are happily marred with three children, Corde, Cordell and Cori. Broadus, known as "Boss Lady," manages recording artists, including former chart-topper Lady of Rage. She also launches a clothing line called Cocoa Reed.

Successful Spouses

Tracy Mourning
As the old adage goes: "beside every good man there's a good women." Hence the unique bond and chemistry that former NBA all-star Alonzo Mourning and wife Tracy Mourning have. The happily married couple remains proactive in various charitable events, in addition to opening up their very own high school, the Alonzo and Tracy Mourning Senior High Biscayne Bay Campus in Sept. 2009. The school is expected to enroll an estimated 600 9th and 10th graders. Within two years the school will accommodate grades 9-12 with an estimated 1,600 students.

Successful Spouses

Fathers are able to create similar bonds with children through time, but if the ability to create those bonds is short-circuited by a lack of access to the child, then both parents may have played a role in keeping the father and child from being connected. This does not excuse deadbeat daddies. It is to only say that there are also a few deadbeat mamas, even when they have the kids in their homes. What is also true is that our children are the ones who suffer when our relationships don't work. According to the Institute for Assets and Social Policy, the gap between black and white family wealth has increased four-fold over the past 25 years. None of this is good for the African American community.

As a result of this dialog surrounding the article, AOL Black Voices ran a poll in which they asked readers the following question: Do you agree with the ideas of Deborah Cooper about black men in church? Out of 3,047 respondents, 48% of those answering the question said that black women need to expand their dating horizons in general. Another 25 percent said that it is a woman's right to seek a Godly man. Only eight percent of respondents said that the church is a bad place to meet men.

These results are certainly a reminder that black women may want to consider other dating possibilities. For some, this might mean dating outside their race. For others, it might mean giving the non church-going brother a try. I personally don't go to church every Sunday, but I believe in the idea of doing what's right. I personally argue that there are millions of other men who think the exact same way.

Secondly, the fact that one-quarter of the respondents believe that it is a woman's right to seek a Godly man doesn't necessarily imply that they don't believe black women should expand their dating options. It simply says that the church may be a good place to find a decent mate and women are not wrong for considering the church as a venue for finding true love.

When it's all said and done, the moral of the story is that the internal attributes of the package may matter far more than the way the package is wrapped. Good people come in all shapes and sizes, and some of them don't go to church. Additionally, it says that if you are seeking happiness in your life and economic fulfillment, you may want to think carefully about how you pursue and conduct personal relationships.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and the author of the new book, "Black American Money." To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.