In this episode of 'Dr Boyce Watkins on AOL Black Voices,' we discuss black single mothers and dating. There are over 10 million households headed by single moms in the United States, with between 3 and 4 million of those families being black. The rise in the numbers is primarily due to two factors: More out of wedlock births and a higher divorce rate. In the black community, an oft-cited statistic is that 70 percent of our families are headed by single women.
My mother was a single black mother for a while, and we benefited dramatically when my father came into the household when I was three years old. Having my father there made it easier to pay the bills, and he provided a degree of stability that played a significant role in my development toward manhood. In fact, I can't imagine what life would have been like had he not been present in our lives.
In the conversation with Tameka Mallory and Alexis Stodghill (below), I got an interesting sense of the dating and motherhood experience of black women. I think that these conversations are important, since we should try to take a second to understand what our mothers go through. At the same time, we can all put a critical eye on ourselves to determine if there is a way for both men and women to improve our collective plight. (Note, Ms. Mallory is a single black mother who was raised in a two-parent home. Ms. Stodghill is not a mom, but discusses being raised by a single mother.)
The video is below, enjoy!
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Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and the author of the new book, "Black American Money." To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here. 
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By: TheFashionistaChic on 6/22/2010 8:35PM
I agree completely with Tameka. Being a women is about loving, nurturing and emotional support. This is the role of the women. The man’s responsibility is the be the wage earner, to be the rock for the family. Alexis this has little to do with physical or visual attributes.
My mother ( a single mom) raised me to be a strong, intelligent resourceful women. I am capable of earning a living and supplying material necessity for my family. Alex I am capable because it is necessary in this day and age that I am able to support my family. But I don’t believe this is my role. One of my biggest pet peeves is a man saying he would like strong black women. Please tell me why does a man want a STRONG WOMEN? That to me is an oxymoron. The man’s role is to be strong. He is to be the strength of my family. The woman is to provide emotional support.
Alex when women say I am ok if I don’t have a man. I am sorry Alex I don’t believe her. I believe she is not only lying to the world but she is lying to herself. When you say you want to celebrate the fact that women are graduating and holding these prestige position. Alex I think that is letting the black man off the hook. Why should he strive to improve or head families if you are saying I don’t need you?
I have been married for almost 17 years. Alex I have no problem with tell my man I need him. You know Alex he needs me, because the intelligence and the tenacity I can bring to a corporation I bring to my husband and children. I have had many professional accomplishments but none of them can touch what I’ve done as a mother to my daughter. How I raised my son to be someones husband.
Alex when I see women like you, it makes me a little sad inside. I know your kind came from adaptation. You had to adapt or lay down and die. I get Alex, but it doesn’t make it right or the best for the black family.
Tameka I applaud you for saying I want a man in my household.
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By: Dpt on 8/29/2010 4:45PM
Yes, a mother can raise children. but, she cannot be a father. the home is incomplete we all know that. when I was coming up, I beleive that I could have been a basketball star if my dad had been there to carry me to practice. I am a elderly woman now. so, I just cant beleive that a woman is happy alone. she is not complete. that is why god made eve for adam. He made adam and said that it is good for man not to be alone,then he made eve, that is so true. even tho we have some successful people that has come thru the system without a father in the home, but still that does not change the way life is suppose to be. I realize some dont want to be married, but that is by choice, but when kid's are involved, that child need's or deserve a family. not a sleepover, one night stand, to satify you. or a live in boyfriend. that is why so many of our kids are being raped, or molest because it is just not right. why cant we just be honest and do the right thing. It just seem like the word (marry) or (marrige) is become a curse to our race. I really envy the other culture's they marry the most of them. I have a neighbor they are mexican's and he came in my yard one day and ask me where is the black brother's, why dont they want their women, I said to him I dont know. He said you all are beautiful black women and the brother's dont want you or marry you. It is known everywhere. Here where I live there is a lot of young, as well as old women are turning to white men. not by choice, but because the brother's do not want them. that is really sad because they came from a black woman, family. so, the brother's need to wake up and see that if they dont take us, the white man is out there waiting on us, to accept them.
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By: ARNEADER on 6/23/2010 4:52PM
Dr. Boyce,
Those are babies...they are still wet behind their ears. They do not know anything about about being a single "woman" and raising a child by yourself.
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By: dvine on 6/23/2010 1:44PM
i agree w/almost everything you said.. i'm a single mother and my son's father is hispanic.. he wanted fast money n nice cars.. i worked, went to school and he went to jail and i continued to raise my son.. he's 13 now and his father is still in jail.
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By: Dom on 6/24/2010 6:41AM
There are reputable companies out there that will pay you, but don’t expect to find more than a few dollars per survey. For the more extensive taking surveys (for instance, if you are asked to try out a particular brand of laundry detergent and the test takes a few weeks), you will be paid more money. But even if you took surveys all day long, the odds of being able to pay the bills with survey money alone are very, very slim.
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By: Dot on 8/28/2010 5:19PM
Where is our moral's as a race? I know that we all make mistake's but we have a nation of people that dont talk or know anything about marriage. Do any of us read the bible? the ten commandment? thou shall not. We cant change the past, but we can make the future better. Sis. if you stop giving it up, then the brother's will have respect for you and marry you. We should not have to raise our children alone. they should have a father in their live's. they are being cheated out of a real life. What is wrong with our brother's? they dont want the beautiful sister's, yes, to have sex with, have babie's, for marriage, no. that is a sickness. Well, one day they will get old and will need a loving wife to love, hold hand's be there by their side when they get sick. Children get grown and get gone, they have a life of their own and want have time for you. so, that is why we need mate's, not someone to live with, but a mate, wife or a husband.That is the way god will have it to be. In the beginning god made man and woman, adam and eve. so he mean for us to marry and have familie's. then, the blessing of the lord will be upon our live's. We must and need to go back to the old landmark. get real, that is why other race's dont have respect for us. We need respect for one another, Men dont respect the women, why? do they respect their mother's, sister's, aunt's all the women in their familie's? Well, they need to respect us african american women. I am a elderly women and have come down thru life and can witness many thing's in this life. so, women find a man that will marry you and love your children and so you can grow old together and be happy. It is good to have money and take care yourself, but money dont always make you happy, if you have money and not happiness then, you are sad.God ordained us to marry, have a family. It is honest. Why! we dont want to get marry? I come from a broken home, but my mom and dad was Married. Marriage is honest,let us be honest and do the right thing in life, we must stand before god one day.
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