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In this episode of 'Dr Boyce Watkins on AOL Black Voices,' we discuss black single mothers and dating. There are over 10 million households headed by single moms in the United States, with between 3 and 4 million of those families being black. The rise in the numbers is primarily due to two factors: More out of wedlock births and a higher divorce rate. In the black community, an oft-cited statistic is that 70 percent of our families are headed by single women.
My mother was a single black mother for a while, and we benefited dramatically when my father came into the household when I was three years old. Having my father there made it easier to pay the bills, and he provided a degree of stability that played a significant role in my development toward manhood. In fact, I can't imagine what life would have been like had he not been present in our lives.
In the conversation with Tameka Mallory and Alexis Stodghill (below), I got an interesting sense of the dating and motherhood experience of black women. I think that these conversations are important, since we should try to take a second to understand what our mothers go through. At the same time, we can all put a critical eye on ourselves to determine if there is a way for both men and women to improve our collective plight. (Note, Ms. Mallory is a single black mother who was raised in a two-parent home. Ms. Stodghill is not a mom, but discusses being raised by a single mother.)
The video is below, enjoy!
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Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and the author of the new book, "Black American Money." To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here. 
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By: esonya21 on 6/11/2011 10:31PM
I think both women were very articulate explaining their perspectives and made some valid points. The question still remains, however, "how did we as a community get to this point and do we even care?" The black family is being destroyed and we seem to be sitting back letting it happen while other races/cultures are doing everything they can to keep theirs together. Why is that? Is it because ALL black men are the self-centered, bad player-players that have no sense of values or morals when it comes to family and women? Is it because ALL black women are nothing more than loud mouth, mad black woman drama queens that are only good for "dropping it like its hot?" Certainly not. There are bad men and women in all races and cultures. The only difference is that their discretions are camouflaged and hidden most of the time. I strongly believe God created some very good black men out there. If we as black women, are truly honest with ourselves, God has blessed us to have a least one good black man in our lives but we didn't want him. We decided to give our mind, bodies, and souls to the bad ones only to end up hurt, alone and raising their kids. I once heard a woman say she dumped a very good brother because he was just "too nice". The brother was a man of God, fine, educated, financially stable and other admirable qualities. He treated her like a queen What?!! Is that the most dumbest thing you have ever heard? Yet many of us as black women have said or thought it. The brother was a man of God, fine, educated, financially stable and other admirable qualities. He treated her like a queen yet she didn't want him. Instead, she ended up spending years of her life with a thug that put it down in the bedroom and in the long run, took everything she had from her and left her and her child for another woman. What did she expect? I think as black women we have to change our mindsets and stop thinking between our legs and thinking with our mind, soul and heart when it comes to relationships with men BEFORE we decide to lay down with them. That way we may not end up being single and/or raising kids all by ourselves. On the other hand, black men need to stop defining their manhood by the gift between their legs and how many women they can conquer with it and instead stand up and be the man God called and created them to be which are leaders in and out of the home and treating women the way Jesus treat them.
For too long, black women have been devaluaed, dehumanized and disrespected by others, now its our very own and we as black women have allowed it for love, survival, and other reasons. Both black women and men alike need to take full responsibility for our actions and make a change. If we don't who will? The rest of the world could care less about what we do as a community for our embetterment. All they care about is how much money they can make off us. Our children need us. Their future lies in our hands. What are we going to do about it?
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