I have recently had the distinct pleasure of sitting down with two women who really have it going on in the area of love and relationships. One of them is the talented Raqiyah Mays and the other is the great Demetria Lucas of Essence. Raqiyah is an outstanding actress in the play 'Platanos & Collard Greens,' and formerly a host for 98.7 Kiss FM, one of the leading radio stations in New York. I think she was too much for them to handle, since her conversations on interracial dating seemed to make the "suits" at the station a little bit nervous. I recommend reading Raqiyah's blog, for she possesses an intriguing and passionate style of communication that seems to captivate her readers. Her talent makes her a threat for all haters, given that she can do pretty much anything, including singing, dancing, acting, writing and just about everything else.

Demetria is a relationship expert for Essence, and has set the world on fire with her blog, "A Belle in Brooklyn," which explores (in her words) "the unintentionally hilarious adventures of a southern woman living way too far above the Mason Dixon."
Her blog has led to her publishing a book with the same name, which will be available in 2011. I love Demetria's approach to dating because it emphasizes the fact that men are more emotionally complex than some might believe. In the words of an article written about Demetria in the Washington Post:


Some women were not taught to be damsels in distress and drip sweetness to attract a man. Instead, you were instructed to approach dating as if it were an assignment -- aloof, projecting independence while sitting there waiting and waiting to be approached. And then, when the man gets up the nerve to walk across the room, and ask you to dance, you say no, hoping he'll come back and ask again.

But you are still single, sitting at the bar. Waiting. Not recognizing that the man is more delicate than you imagine and you sent him away to nurse his wounds, sometimes for years.

I love the point that's being made here and the one that Demetria emphasizes in her work: There's nothing wrong with a woman being nice. In fact, I've always presumed that a woman who isn't nice to me doesn't like me. I was always shocked to find out the woman who rejected me three times actually expected me to keep asking her out. My mother always taught me that "no means no," and perhaps the man who has the audacity to keep hounding you until he wears you down is really not a nice guy at all.

I suspect that her gentle southern touch is what helps Demetria have such a refreshing perspective on dating and relationships. It is only by revealing ourselves through the avenue of kindness that meaningful connections can be established and true love can be created. Some seem to have mistakenly concluded that love should really be war. Most men have to fight every day with their enemies at work, so it's not appealing to end up having to sleep with one too.

Our video conversation delves into the use of social media and whether it helps or hurts our interpersonal relationships. We've hit on this topic in the past, and the interest that people seemed to have in the issue (my Facebook page seemed to explode on this) led me to reach out to hear perspectives from women I respect. So, the interview is below. Enjoy!

PRODUCTION PLAYER! DO NOT DELETE.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.