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One consistent topic of conversation within the African American community is the state of our relationships. We see scores of people choosing to get together, but they don't always want to stay together. Many of our children don't have mothers and fathers, but are granted a pile of baby's mamas and baby daddies. Some of the men aren't paying child support, and some of the women aren't making good choices when deciding who to sleep with. What's the problem?
Related:
+Dr. Boyce Video -- 'Raised by The Mistress,' A New Look at Black Love, Part 1
+Dr. Boyce Video -- 'Raised by The Mistress,' Part 2
Rather than leaving this as one of the annual topics at the Essence Music Festival, I thought I'd bring in my panel of relationship experts to help us talk through some of this. Given that black relationships are obviously critical to the raising of black children and sustaining the black family, it's important that we discuss these issues.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here. 
Comments: (43)
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By: cocoabear on 9/14/2010 5:28PM
Relationships are not working in the white community either.The HUGH problem that many people don`t seem to understand,is many adults are undiagnosed ASD.Either asperger`s syndrome of high functioning autism.Dificulty with relationships.Being self centered,lacking empathy,dificulty expressing oneself,reading facial expressions,Sensory overload,anxiety.Many people with ASD have trouble holding a job,because you have to interact with people.To much social interaction is dificult.Dyslexia,dyspraxia,bi polar,schizophrenia may accompany ASD.Vaccines and lack of nutrition in the food supply can magnify the problem.Autism is genetic,and for every low functioning child with autism,there is a parent or grand parent with ASD.Higher functioning but,ASD.They also have relationship problems,and problems getting along with people.Bringing a child into the mix only makes it harder.Many can`t cope.Many doctors,scientists,Psychiatrists are aspergers.
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By: The truth on 9/14/2010 10:12PM
The reality is a family, relationship or wherever you find yourself takes work. Honesty, integrity, patience, understanding and being able to listen are qualities of being a human being that one cannot learn and then master overnight. Be there for those that love you, especially if you're the one responsible for bringing them into this world. Concern yourself less with the shine on an escalade and more with who you are and what your purpose in life is.
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By: Justifyed on 9/18/2010 10:05PM
Very Good... some ppl get more excited about their material possessions than their family.
I resent the topic that 'Black Relationships Don't Seem To Work'...because the author is generalizing all black relationships and ONLY black relationships.
I am in a healthy marriage, with a beautiful black, caring, loving, hardworking man. We have three girls, one married, and we just had our first grandchild.
Do we have moments where we have disagreements? Of course, we do...that's apart of any relationship. But we get past those disagreements and go on with our relationship.
It is possible to have a stable, loving relationship, but it takes work...commitment, dedication, compromsie, and communication ON THE PART OF BOTH THE MAN AND THE WOMAN!
If you are willing to work and put in the time...it can be done.
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By: vdog on 9/21/2010 7:56PM
Like your comment the TRUTH. A lot of people's OBJECTIVES in MARRIAGE are to JUST GET PAID AND DRIVE AN ESCALADE which is SHALLOW.
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By: Danzinger on 10/24/2010 5:58PM
Let the choir say amen!!!
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By: wendy on 9/15/2010 11:32AM
Hi Dr. Boyce, I have a successful marriage and my parents are still together after 45 years! The first step to a successful relationship is to know the kind of person you want to be with.
My husband and I have been together for 20 years and married for 16. We both knew at first that we did not want children and this has worked well for us. Each couple has to know each others needs and wants and what you both value.
http://WendyTaylorHill.blogspot.com
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By: BG on 9/15/2010 11:24PM
Search for the ABC NEWS documentary on WHY BLACK WOMEN DON'T HAVE A MAN AND THE REASON THEY ARE LOSING THEIR MEN TO THE WHITES. It will explain part of the problem among many.
As long as Black women only follow money into relationship, dramatic in nature, has a ghetoish attitude, don't bring anything into a relationship except to damage you financially, sleep all day doing nothing but give you sex, be under thesame roof with a potential husband while on the phone trying to arrange a bail for another jailed boyfriend, says she is carrying your baby who later turned out to be someone else's child but demanding you pay child support, thrashy in nature,
packs ounces of fats around her belly and calling that curves, Black relationships will not seem to work.
Let Black women first of all try to emulate white's
and get to know why they are losing us to the white's otherwise, this article will be a waste of sensible topics.
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By: Theogirl on 9/18/2010 6:17PM
You are the perfect reason why blacks are constantly having this dicussion, even though it's not just black relationships that are failing, but all.
But we particularly have this issue in our community because of stereotipycal bull**** like that that is spewing out of people's mouth like yourself. First of all, stop generalizing the marginal black women that are like this to represent all black women. Second of all, Ghettoness, Golding digging, Trifling women are not exclusive to only the black community. There are women like that as you described in every community, even whites. Sorry to burst your bubble. From what I get of your blurb is that white are the cream of the crop and you're too far up their a** to see any of them differently.
All communities have issues and problems, whites, blacks, hispanics, arabs, you name it, they have their own particular issues that they are dealing with, not just BLACKS. The reason why so much focus is put on our short comings is because of our second class citizen rank in this society and people's stereotypical views that comes from the lack of truly knowing the people of that race you. I don't know what your nationality, ethnicity is, but at this point it doesn't matter.
Your views/stereotype of all black women shows you truly do not know us.
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By: Thruth on 9/18/2010 4:48PM
It really seems that both races have a relationship problem, we can't just put all the blame on African American women, if the white women are leaving the white male than something is also wrong there! This issue is a two sided issue, white women are moving away from there on also. So let talk the issues going on in that race too.
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By: janee on 9/18/2010 6:51PM
With your ignorance, the whites can have you! You are doing black women a favor. Thank You!
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