This week I was invited to participate in an event held in New York City called "8 Reasons to Address Romance" (you are free to join us this Friday at Columbia University at 6 pm). The event consists of an interesting panel with both men and women (Mark Anthony Neal, Amanda Diva, China Okasi and other interesting people), and our goal was to discuss the state of black relationships and why black families aren't staying together. I speculate that some of the drama which led to the forum was driven by an article called "8 Reasons to Date a White Man," by LaShaun Williams.

I took some issue with LaShaun's article, primarily because it felt a wee bit condescending. But they say that nearly every stereotype has some element of truth to it, and there were some parts of the article that led to the reader quietly saying "amen." One of the things that bothered me the most about the piece is when LaShaun states that white men make better dating options because they have financial security. This part of the article bothered me because it effectively states that black women should take advantage of historical white superiority and choose the descendants of those who stole our wealth for 400 years.


Black male unemployment is high, we know that. In fact, it's the highest of any other demographic in the nation, at 17.6 percent. Also, many of us in the black community do not have wealth passed on to us from our parents, mainly because the wealth gap between blacks and whites is incredibly high. While we all suffer under the thumb of this gap, a man's masculinity is typically tied directly to his ability to provide for his family. So, clowning a man because he's broke is like telling a female that she's less of a woman because she had a hysterectomy. In other words, it's simply not cool, and many of us are doing the best we can in a very difficult and trying world.

While we are a civilized and relatively advanced society, some gender roles still hold true. Men are typically expected to cough up the cash when you go on a date, and we are expected to be able to provide for our spouse and children when we are married. When you face massive unemployment, and non-existent wealth, that stress can make it difficult for any man to decide to have a family at all, since men typically see marriage and children as an added financial obligation. While most men want to provide, some of them simply cannot. This stress is simply unimaginable and literally makes a man wonder if he's worthy of being anyone's father.

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So, whether LaShaun is right to say that white men might be better options because they have more money, I can't say for sure. But to compare white men and black men without considering the historical context is to miss the entire picture. Black women have a very difficult road and no one is denying that. But in order for us to work together to build families, we might want to look beyond the size of each other's bank account.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.