Condoleezza Rice, the first black woman to become a U.S. Secretary of State, was interviewed recently on the newly minted CNN show, 'Piers Morgan Tonight,' to be asked of all things: Why are you not married? That question no successful African American female can escape. The single, black (semi-successful) woman that I am couldn't help but shrink in insecurity as this ubiquitous puzzler was posed even to one of the most prominent black women alive. Why the embarrassment?
Yes, such questions make for great ratings. It's a question Piers Morgan might have asked any single V.I.P. Watching a woman who used to wield massive diplomatic and military power talk of cooking fried chicken was a hoot. But despite the innocence of the utterance, for black women everywhere that question is the articulation of a Greek tragedy-style family curse: An unsolvable source of suffering for black women that just keeps getting passed down. Piers may not have known that, but refering to it even obliquely is enough to make one's heart hurt.
Recently, the media has made questioning professional black female singledom into a mind-numbing mantra. Why can't enough black women get married? Why can't successful black women get married? What will happen to all the successful single black women as they get older because they can't get married? It's one thing to ask these questions of the average professional black woman. It's another thing to transform even Condoleezza Rice in an object of pity with these words. Because that is what this line of reasoning does. And now all of America is partaking in the pity party that used to only take place in our sister cirlces, hair salons and the occasional work of sister-girl fiction. Now that everyone is in on it, black women can't even make being lonely together into a good time anymore.
Michelle Obama: Some conservative folks would prefer she cover them up, but the first lady works hard for those shoulders, biceps and triceps. Why hide them? "If I don't exercise," she told Oprah Winfrey, "I don't feel good."
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Michelle Obama: Some conservative folks would prefer she cover them up, but the first lady works hard for those shoulders, biceps and triceps. Why hide them? "If I don't exercise," she told Oprah Winfrey, "I don't feel good."
Madonna: As with everything else having to do with Madge, her arms are controversial. Some hate her cut biceps, but fans say she looks amazing. Whether you like the look or not, you can't deny that those guns are serious!
Angela Bassett: The world took notice of Bassett's killer arms when she played Tina Turner in 'What's Love Got to Do with It.' Sixteen years later, her arms still wow on the red carpet. Her secret? Exercise and good genes!
Evangeline Lilly: What's one place where this television actress isn't 'Lost?' The gym. The Canadian actress stays buff for her hit TV show by surfing, running, dancing, lifting weights and doing yoga and pilates.
Venus & Serena Williams: Anyone who doesn't know how these famous sisters got their rock-hard bodies has been living under a rock! The tennis champions dominate their sport and have the muscles to prove it.
Hillary Swank: She played a boxer alongside Morgan Freeman in 'Million Dollar Baby,' and it wasn't a stretch to imagine the toned actress actually pummeling an opponent in the ring. In the gym, Swank focuses on pilates and weights.
Michelle Yeoh: She might have made her living starring in Chinese and American martial arts films, but Yeoh has no formal training in martial arts. She's actually a trained ballet dancer, which explains her lean, defined limbs.
Vanessa Williams: She might share her name with another famous actress, but this Williams still stands out, especially on the red carpet. The 'Soul Food' star's vegetarian diet helps her stay fit.
Jada Pinkett-Smith: Former gym bunny Jada has recently had to tone back on the hardcore workouts, because they were hurting her joints. But even with lower impact exercising, Jada's still got the hard body.
Jessica Biel: Biel's one actress who is proud she's not rail thin. "You don't have to be stick skinny to be gorgeous," she has said. "Muscles are beautiful. Strong bodies, working out and eating healthily is beautiful."
I know what you may be thinking. BV on Money just ran an article that explicity fingered our sexual-social wound, while packing it deeply with the salt of hopelessness. For some reason, as much as I'm complaining, it's impossible to really let the issue go as many have vociferously requested. This image of the hard-working, successful, classy, beautiful, articulate (and in Rice's case powerful) African American woman who just can't get a man, no matter what -- is addicting. Sure, we are all tired of hearing about it, but just like supporting that best friend who creates needless problems, talking about it endlessly is stimulating entertainment.
It strikes such a deep emotional cord, full of high drama, it's a difficult addiction to break. I'm not holding my breath for the moment when beating this "dead horse" renders it even comatose. But if we have to keep discussing it (as we do), I'd rather keep the debate over why successful black women can't get married within the walls of our real-world and virtual communities. For some reason it seems wrong when the topic crosses over and is dissected by the "other side." From 'Precious' to 'Good Hair,' we don't need another reason for mainstream audiences to look at black women in a melancholic light. Especially not our most successful women.
What do you think? Was Piers intentionally out of line or completely innocent while questioning why Rice, "catch" that she is, can't get a man?
I don't think the question was out of line, as it was one that I'm sure many people have thought about. Ms Rice was her extraodinary self in how she handled the question, with grace, candor, and a strong sense of self dignity. She did leave the door open for the possiblity of Mr Right coming along at some point. I'm a firm believer that marriage is not for everyone, as the apostle Paul stated in one of his letters. So, If God has a mate for Ms Rice, He will reveal that person to her in His time.
In a nutshell, successful black women are single because Black Men are INSECURE period! They can't handle a strong, successful, smart Black Woman. They get jealous and sometimes downright mean, with intentions to hurt and purnish a hard working Sista who's arrived. Condi should look for a White Man. Some of them are not mean, cruel or insecure. Note I said some, coz their are white jerks too!
No, I don't think Mr. Morgan was out of line at all. I think it's a natural curiosity when you see an attractive, successful, desirable woman to wonder why they are single. I tend to wonder the same thing when I meet an attractive, successful, desirable single man. I think it all depends on how you look at it, and how the person inquiring is looking at it. Not everyone is looking thru the lens of singleness as a "curse". They may merely wonder how someone as nice as you (male or female) keeps getting away. I am personally more intrigued by the way that Ms. Rice always responds to the question. When she was asked during an appearance on the "View" her response was very similar to the one she gave Mr. Morgan. She simply said that she had not found someone that she wanted to be married to. On the View, she went into greater detail, stating that she was raised to believe that marriage came first, and then children. She said that she had not found someone that she wanted to "share her life with." I think these are the jewels that we can extract from this particular "Single Lady", Extraordinary as she is!! Instead of lamenting her singleness, she seems to celebrate her wise choice. I think that takes a great deal of courage!!
I agree in part but would also add to the debate that the media along with the ruling powers in this country have perpetrated an excellent job in the decimation of African Americans. Until they stop instilling fear that African Americans are the largest carriers of AIDS, Blacks particularly women, will subtly be shunned. I know of no one that has AIDS and my circle is rather widespread. Men both Black, White, and other are afraid to date and marry Black women for the aforementioned reason. Black men are incarcerated,homosexual,seek White women,or are dead either physically or spiritually. So that does not leave a large pool from which to select. Black men seek White women for a variety of reasons, most of which Black women reject. I applaud these women who reject this type of Black man. As an educated, once divorced, financially solvent, confident, and joyful Black women, I count it a blessing and strongly recommend that Sisters look elsewhere in spite of the media. One must also realize that these are not marrying times. Some will but most will not. That is a fact. So Sisters, make the most of and enjoy the blessed life that God has given you. The grass is not always greener on the other side. You just need to know how to till the soil in which you are planted. I love my life and am not willing to compromise any component of it for someone that I am not equally yoked. That's my story and I truly stick to it daily. Life is Good!!
I completely agree. I wonder the same thing about Jennifer Aniston. Is a successful, smart, and beautiful, and powerful woman too much for a man to handle? I think that's the real question that should be posed to all men regardless of color. How would Ms. Rice or Ms. Aniston know the answer to that question? Its time to turn the tables on men and ask them what gives.
thats because MOST men it doesn't matter what color date down....that's why its best for women to try and marry a man when the woman is in her mid 20's...looking for someone older or more successful.
In my family my children are married to people of other cultures. My son an Ethiopian woman, one daughter is married to a Nigerian and the other one a hispanic. Come on women, there is a whole world out there. Most African American men are intimidated by highly successful / educated black women but other men of other races and cultures are excited about it. Get out of your small little world and travel the world and find a husband. After all, we all got off of Noahs Arc. There are no races but the human race. The grand kids from these marriages are not only beautiful but awesome personalities. Older women are set in their ways and men do look for younger women, that's just the way it is. After two divorces,I have the gift of singleness for 19 years and have no desire to date at all.
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Comments: (80)
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By: Larry on 1/21/2011 7:07PM
I don't think the question was out of line, as it was one that I'm sure many people have thought about. Ms Rice was her extraodinary self in how she handled the question, with grace, candor, and a strong sense of self dignity. She did leave the door open for the possiblity of Mr Right coming along at some point. I'm a firm believer that marriage is not for everyone, as the apostle Paul stated in one of his letters. So, If God has a mate for Ms Rice, He will reveal that person to her in His time.
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By: Sandra on 1/24/2011 5:04PM
In a nutshell, successful black women are single because Black Men are INSECURE period! They can't handle a strong, successful, smart Black Woman. They get jealous and sometimes downright mean, with intentions to hurt and purnish a hard working Sista who's arrived.
Condi should look for a White Man. Some of them are not mean, cruel or insecure. Note I said some, coz their are white jerks too!
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By: Marsha on 1/21/2011 7:10PM
No, I don't think Mr. Morgan was out of line at all. I think it's a natural curiosity when you see an attractive, successful, desirable woman to wonder why they are single. I tend to wonder the same thing when I meet an attractive, successful, desirable single man. I think it all depends on how you look at it, and how the person inquiring is looking at it. Not everyone is looking thru the lens of singleness as a "curse". They may merely wonder how someone as nice as you (male or female) keeps getting away. I am personally more intrigued by the way that Ms. Rice always responds to the question. When she was asked during an appearance on the "View" her response was very similar to the one she gave Mr. Morgan. She simply said that she had not found someone that she wanted to be married to. On the View, she went into greater detail, stating that she was raised to believe that marriage came first, and then children. She said that she had not found someone that she wanted to "share her life with." I think these are the jewels that we can extract from this particular "Single Lady", Extraordinary as she is!! Instead of lamenting her singleness, she seems to celebrate her wise choice. I think that takes a great deal of courage!!
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By: Brady on 1/21/2011 7:50PM
I couldnt agree more. "Extraordinary as she is"
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By: rasil on 1/22/2011 8:38AM
I agree in part but would also add to the debate that the media along with the ruling powers in this country have perpetrated an excellent job in the decimation of African Americans. Until they stop instilling fear that African Americans are the largest carriers of AIDS, Blacks particularly women, will subtly be shunned. I know of no one that has AIDS and my circle is rather widespread. Men both Black, White, and other are afraid to date and marry Black women for the aforementioned reason. Black men are incarcerated,homosexual,seek White women,or are dead either physically or spiritually. So that does not leave a large pool from which to select. Black men seek White women for a variety of reasons, most of which Black women reject. I applaud these women who reject this type of Black man. As an educated, once divorced, financially solvent, confident, and joyful Black women, I count it a blessing and strongly recommend that Sisters look elsewhere in spite of the media. One must also realize that these are not marrying times. Some will but most will not. That is a fact. So Sisters, make the most of and enjoy the blessed life that God has given you. The grass is not always greener on the other side. You just need to know how to till the soil in which you are planted. I love my life and am not willing to compromise any component of it for someone that I am not equally yoked. That's my story and I truly stick to it daily. Life is Good!!
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By: Rebecca on 1/27/2011 12:46PM
I completely agree. I wonder the same thing about Jennifer Aniston. Is a successful, smart, and beautiful, and powerful woman too much for a man to handle? I think that's the real question that should be posed to all men regardless of color. How would Ms. Rice or Ms. Aniston know the answer to that question? Its time to turn the tables on men and ask them what gives.
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By: Renee' on 1/21/2011 8:37PM
She seems to be comfortable within herself. It is a shame she did not get more support from our community.
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By: Lee on 1/21/2011 9:04PM
If a sucessful woman of color can`t
find a husband, what chance does a average
black woman who isn`t sucessful have
not much of a chance.
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By: Mike on 1/21/2011 10:42PM
thats because MOST men it doesn't matter what color date down....that's why its best for women to try and marry a man when the woman is in her mid 20's...looking for someone older or more successful.
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By: marion Galloway on 1/27/2011 12:40AM
In my family my children are married to people of other cultures. My son an Ethiopian woman, one daughter is married to a Nigerian and the other one a hispanic. Come on women, there is a whole world out there. Most African American men are intimidated by highly successful / educated black women but other men of other races and cultures are excited about it. Get out of your small little world and travel the world and find a husband. After all, we all got off of Noahs Arc. There are no races but the human race. The grand kids from these marriages are not only beautiful but awesome personalities. Older women are set in their ways and men do look for younger women, that's just the way it is. After two divorces,I have the gift of singleness for 19 years and have no desire to date at all.
Report This