What Kind Of Asian Are You? Where Are You Really From?
Charles Cole III: Our Black Boys...
Most men know how expensive Valentine's Day can get. Someone decided that spending money is somehow a translation to showing love, which is an interesting, misguided relationship philosophy. Valentine's Day is one of the most over-hyped holidays known to man, with advertising starting almost right after Christmas. Any man in a serious relationship is well-aware of the pending doom of his social life if he doesn't flex his wallet at least a little bit on that special day.
According to the National Federation's 2010 Valentine's Day Consumer Intentions and Actions Survey, over $14 billion is spent on Valentine's Day-related purchases. This is roughly $103 for every single man, woman and child in America. Yes, the hype has real economic consequences.
What's even crazier is that 2010 doesn't even set a record. In 2008, $17 billion was spent on the holiday. (Perhaps all those 'Oprah Winfrey' shows about saving money kicked in and people started to show their love in ways that went beyond spending money.) These numbers make me wonder why I have to prove my love for others by busting my bank account on a holiday created by someone else.
The challenge of Valentine's Day can be especially daunting for African American men, who struggle with unemployment rates approaching 20 percent. Black family wealth is, according to recent estimates, as low as one-fiftieth that of white families, and millions of African Americans are facing bankruptcy, foreclosure and other forms of economic devastation. The struggle to find economic resources makes it difficult for men to become providers, and adds to the stress of black families that are already struggling to stay together. It also makes it difficult for single men to date or show affection to the woman in whom they may be interested, primarily because economic stability is highly correlated with the perception of an individual's manhood. Valentine's Day can only make the embarrassment that much worse for men who are trying to survive in an economy where they have the worst unemployment and educational levels in the nation.
My belief? African Americans may want to consider letting go of Valentine's Day, at least the over-commercialized part of it. For women, I suggest that you make a deal with your man: tell him that you don't want him to spend very much money on you -- but what he doesn't spend in money, he must overcompensate for with time and affection. Your man will appreciate you letting him off the hook and he will hopefully return the favor by giving you a level of loyalty he wouldn't be willing to give to anyone else. Being a true partner in love means helping your partner become stronger, not becoming yet another drain on their resources. By getting away from models of romantic interaction that become nothing more than economic exchanges, millions of members of the black community can find everlasting love.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here. To follow Dr. Boyce on Facebook, please click here. 
Comments: (22)
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By: Cody on 2/14/2011 11:19AM
Amen Dr.Boyce Watkins much needed on a day where our society tells us we must overcompensate with materialistic things.
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By: pat on 2/14/2011 11:22AM
Please stop spending on this useless made up holiday for retailers to benefit off what little money you have left.
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By: Jewel on 2/14/2011 11:39AM
AMEN to that Pat! Instead, give the one you love something that holds value during these unstable economic times like silver or gold bullion. The prices are increasing every day.
Wake up Black people.
No, I do not work for any financial institutions or have any products to endorse. Let's stop being spendthrifts and stop buying from companies that have been laying us off in records numbers, won't hire us, and don't represent our interests. Invest in yourself!
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By: dvine on 2/14/2011 4:44PM
y can't it just ppl need to avoid spending xtra on this holiday period.. do u really need for someone to tell you when you should tell a person you claim to love when to say it, or when you should do special things for them.. i mean c'mon, really?!
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By: Jas on 2/14/2011 11:27AM
I understand where you are coming from completely. Being a college student without a job celebrating Valentines Day can become a hassle, but if you make the day more about love then you can save a pretty penny. My bf and I always make each other bags. We each choose five (inexpensive) things a piece. For instance my list...1)Candy 2)Two bottles of nail polish 3)Something with Tinker Bell 4)The Roots DVD lol 5)A Surprise (new coffee cup)........and his list was 1)Socks 2)A picture frame w/ pics of us 3)A surprise 4)Zaxby's.........lol
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By: Miss A on 2/14/2011 11:38AM
I agree with this article. For a long time, I used to put pressure on the man I was dating to go all out and shower me with gifts, flowers, candy, etc., not only to show me how much he loved me, but so I could brag to my friends and family about what I got. I finally realized now that all of that doesn't matter because he showers me with attention and affection all the other days of the year. This year he bought me a cute and cuddly teddy bear and a beautiful card that sings to me...and I love it! I got him a card, small teddy bear, homemade strawberry cupcakes with hearts in the middle, and a homecooked meal. We didn't have to go broke celebrating the day, and we appreciate each other still.
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By: ElleK on 2/14/2011 11:55AM
I was at walmart last night. They had bunches of roses for five bucks. Valentine's candy is 5 or 10 bucks - and that's for the good quality candy - you can get away with spending less for the cheaper stuff. Anyone who can't earn five bucks to buy a little something to show someone they supposedly love that they care is 1) being disrespectful; and, 2) has bigger issues than unemployment and commercialized Valentine's day.
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By: Shamontiel on 2/14/2011 12:45PM
I really wish these headlines would stop assuming black people think from one brain. If that brotha or that sista wants to say "I love you" and take her out to dinner or buy her flowers or a gift, then he/she should be able to do that ANY day of the year. It's up to that couple--not an AOL writer--to decide HOW much they'll spend. Seriously, folks, just because you're bitter about Valentine's Day doesn't mean you have to take your bitterness out on the rest of the world. There should NEVER be a day when you tell people in a relationship to not show affection with each other. Now should they have a talk about how much will be spent to avoid the argument later? Sure. But to walk away from another day to tell how much you appreciate each other is just plain stupid.
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By: LukesCorner on 2/14/2011 1:19PM
I often agree with the posts you write but the headline gives a different feel than what's actually portrayed in the article,, was under the impression there was something racist about V-Day that i want aware of or something.
A lot of people out here struggling of all races and this holiday comes down to people being sensible. Wanting to give your spouse the world doesnt mean go opening up a new credit account you cant afford just to get that over-priced item today.
If your in a good relationship, both parties are mostly likely aware of the financial status of the household so expectations should match reality from the jump. Other things are much higher priorities in life when it comes to expenses such as keeping the roof over your head and the lights on,, and if your significant other doesnt recognize that then its time for someone to realy analyize the standings of the relationship.
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By: Charles on 2/14/2011 2:43PM
Forget about the money, this is about a pagan ritual, I mean if you are a Christian, you should be worried about things like that.
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